Life With Twins
by bonescastlerock
Summary: Total AU. Sequel to my story 'Just One Night' follows the trials and tribulations of Kate and Rick and Friends and Family between the twins being born and the epilogue.
1. Chapter 1: Two Weeks

**AN: So here's the sequel to my story "Just One Night" if you haven't read that I suggest that you do, this probably wont make much sense if you don't. This story is what happens in the two years between the twins being born and Kate and Rick's wedding in the epilogue, which I'm sure left many questions to be answered, which is what this story is for.**

**Thanks to the many people who followed me through the epic adventure that was my writing of "Just One Night", this one should have slightly more frequent updates, as I don't have school anymore (just have to go in and hand in one last assignment tomorrow and return my library stuff), but I still have a pretty hectic work life, and a few other stories that are in the works; my profile page details those a little.**

**I have this story pretty much mapped out but any ideas are more than welcomed, or just let me know some events that you want to see happen.**

**So without further ado, enjoy the story. :D**

**Disclaimer: Checks papers littering desk… nope, still not mine.**

**Chapter One: Two Weeks**

It had been two weeks since Kate had given birth to her twins and she was exhausted. In theory she knew that raising children would be hard work, but never had she imagined that she would have two small babies at the same time. Sure when she was younger she had always imagined having a family, but once she became an officer all thoughts of a family had been erased from her mind, that was until pregnancy had been thrust upon her. Now she wasn't even three weeks in and she wanted to give up. If it weren't for Rick she wouldn't have been able to survive.

While she had been in the hospital it had been fine, there was always a nurse, or a midwife, to tell her what she was supposed to be doing. But since she'd been back home it was like the world was ganging up on her. The twins never seemed to be asleep at the same time; one of them always seemed to be crying for some reason or another. She was so glad she had relented on the cloth nappy front; she would have never survived that much laundry. Yet in the rare moments of silence she chose to sit in the rocking chair in the nursery and watch her babies sleep.

It was in one of these rare moments, when Kate had just finished feeding Alexander, put him down, sat back in her rocking chair and promptly fell asleep, that Rick found her that day. He stood at the door of the nursery looking in on his family. His fiancé looked exhausted, yet peaceful, in her slumbered state and he stared at her face to memorise her features again. Sure he saw her everyday, but he had pushed back the deadline on the draft of his next book since before the babies were born, and in the last couple of weeks Gina had been on his arse. So for the past two days he had been holed up in his office writing, and he was almost done.

As Rick watched his sleeping fiancé Joanna started to stir. He gently made his way to her crib and scooped her up. Holding her against his chest he started to sway slightly. After then changing her nappy he realised that she was hungry. Rick really didn't want to wake Kate, but it was the only way. She may have relented on some things, but breast-feeding wasn't one of them.

Rick slowly knelt, Joanna still held to his chest with one arm, and gently started stroking Kate's arm. "Kate." He whispered, hoping to wake her gently. "Kate, you need to wake up sweetie." When all the response he got was a mumble, he tried the only thing that never ceased to work.

Rick gently placed his lips on hers and felt her start to stir. He knew she was waking when she started to respond, moving her lips under his. He felt her tongue start to probe at his lips and eagerly granted her access. It was a slow and almost lazy kiss that was just starting to get slightly heated when Rick was reminded why he was kissing her in the first place.

Joanna had started to wail, there was no other word for it. Rick pulled back at looked at Kate as he handed the infant over to her. He noticed how tired she looked as she opened her shirt and started to feed the little girl.

"Shouldn't you be writing?" Kate asked, her brain only just registering that Rick was actually in the room with her.

"Yeah." He answered. "But there's really only one chapter left, Nikki just arrested the bad guy, and besides, I wanted to see my muse." He finished coyly.

"Surely I can be that fascinating." Kate said to him.

"You are more fascinating now," Rick replied. "Than I have ever seen you. There is nothing better than seeing the mother of my children with one such child." He looked and saw Kate's screwed up face. "Too mushy?" He asked.

"Just a little bit." Kate said, rolling her eyes. She was part creeped out, part aroused by Rick just standing there watching her.

After Joanna had finished feeding, and fallen asleep Kate looked wordlessly up at Rick. He went over to her and took the sleeping infant out of Kate's arms and placed her in her crib. He then turned back to Kate to find her almost asleep again.

"Oh no you don't." He told her.

"But Riiiick." Kate whined. "I just wanna got to sleep."

"That may be so." Rick told her. "But you're not sleeping here, it's bad for your back."

"Fine." She mumbled and let Rick help her out of the rocking chair, out of the nursery and down the hall to their room. Kate complied as Rick sat her on the small chair on her side of the bed and pulled back the covers, then helped her to he bed and tucked her in tight.

Her eyes her half closed as he places a soft kiss on her forehead and left the room, although he wasn't gone long. When he returned Kate saw that he was carrying two devices. They were the walkie-talkies that Rick had rigged up as baby monitors, the third being in the nursery.

"Now get some sleep." Rick told her, placing one of the devices on her bedside table.

"'Night." Kate slurred as she drifted into the land of nod.

-!-!-!-

It was several hours later when Kate was startled awake, by what she wasn't even sure. There wasn't any sound coming out of the 'baby monitor' at her bedside, but she did catch a glimpse of the clock while she was looking around. She was shocked to see that she had been asleep for almost four hours. So shocked was she that neither of the twins had woken, that she jumped out of bed and almost sprinted to the nursery.

Once in the doorway she stopped dead. The sight in front of he was amazing. Rick was sitting in her rocking chair; laptop upon his lap, head back, eyes closed and mouth slightly agape.

As if noticing her presence, his eyelids started to flutter and as soon as they opened she got lost in his large orbs. All to soon the moment was again ruined by the wail of a small child. But that was to be the way of life for Kate Beckett and she needed to get used to it real quick.

**AN: I know it's a little bit short, but I really wanted to set the scene for the story.**


	2. Chapter 2: Appointments

**So this post took a bit longer to get out than I thought... I found that despite the lack of school work my life is still hectic, just in a slightly different way. Over the last week I have been working on another Castle fanfic, but more about that after the chapter.**

**Disclaimer: Checks papers littering desk… nope, still not mine.**

**Chapter Two: Appointments**

It was the day of the babies' first check up, and also Kate's first trip out of the loft with the twins. She'd been back at the loft for a couple of weeks, but she just wasn't feeling up to doing anything, taking care of two small children was draining her energy more than she would have thought.

As Kate dressed Joanna she was mentally running through a list of things they needed to take with them, as after the baby appointment Rick had to go to the publishing house to take a look at the proposed cover design for his next book, then they were off to the precinct to show the twins around. Kate had been meaning to go into the precinct for the past week and a half, yet every time she planned to she had completely freaked out at the idea of taking two infants out into the big, bad world of New York City, or at least that's what she kept telling herself.

By the time she had finished dressing Joanna Rick was walking into the nursery with a freshly bathed Alexander in his arms and proceeded to dress him. Kate placed Joanna back into her cot and started packing the nappy bag. After taking fifteen minutes, and checking three times, she was still convinced that she had forgotten something, but was determined not to ask Rick for help, surely she could do something simple like pack a bag by herself.

Ten minutes later the couple were down in the basement parking space when Kate broke down into fitful sobs because the car seat that she was strapping Alexander into was fiddley and not complying with her wishes. She put the tears down to the hormones that were still coursing through her body; it had been happening for the past couple of weeks, she would cry because she couldn't manage to do the simplest of things and it annoyed her because she didn't cry. She was a badass New York detective, crying could get her killed, but she couldn't seem to control it.

-!-!-!-

The appointment with the paediatrician, Dr Jessica West, ran smoothly. Kate and Rick were told that both of their babies were healthy and growing properly and that in general everything was fine. Kate was pleased, except that she felt like Dr West was glancing at her at every opportune moment. Or maybe she was just being paranoid, because she had been having that feeling frequently lately.

Once the babies were checked and dressed Dr West sat back at her desk and looked straight at Kate, as if she wanted Kate to talk first, but finally Dr West realised that Kate wouldn't talk she began.

"How are you doing, Kate?" She asked.

"I imagine what every other new mother fells like." Kate replied. "Tired, lethargic, and exhausted. But other than that I'm ok." She finished, wondering why the doctor was worried about her, she was fine, or that's what she kept telling herself anyway.

The appointment was soon over and, after booking another appointment for a few weeks time, they small family made their way out of the building and into their car.

-!-!-!-

The stop at the publishing house was a lot longer than Kate would have liked.

They got stopped every few steps by someone wanting to coo over their children, and they had to make their way up to the eighth floor. Kate was getting annoyed by the time they entered the elevator, and yet there were more people who wanted to coo over her children.

As soon as they stepped off the elevator Rick was whisked away by Gina before he had time to protest and Kate was left in the reception area of Black Pawn Publishing with a pram by herself. She made her way over to the seats that were off to her left, intending to sit in peace and wait for Rick to reappear. But peace was far from what she got. It seemed that Rick was gone for far longer than he thought that the meeting would take and that everyone who saw her had to come over and see her children.

Kate was get slightly agitated at all the people; she just wanted to sit in peace. She was so agitated she was on the verge of tears, but she would not lose face in front of these people she didn't know, but who clearly knew who she was. If she was grateful about anything it was that both of the twins were blissfully asleep the whole time.

Just as Kate was about ready to lose her cool at some unsuspecting intern Rick appeared in the doorway. "Rick." She said, his name coming out on a sigh and a smile taking over her face.

"Sorry about that." He said, walking over to her and placing a kiss on her head. "Shall we go then? Off to the precinct to show off these two little cuties a little more." He finished, taking the handle of the pram, helping Kate up, and heading towards the elevator.

"As long as you don't leave me alone again." Kate quipped as they stepped onto the (thankfully) empty elevator.

-!-!-!-

Arriving at the precinct Kate was again stopped every time she tried to take a step. By the time they had reached the homicide floor Kate was feeling overwhelmed again.

"I'm going to see Lanie." Kate mumbled in Rick's ear as officers started to flock around them.

"What was that you said about being left alone?" He asked her.

"That _you_ wouldn't leave _me_ alone." Kate replied, leaving Rick with the pram and turning back towards the elevator.

By the time Kate got down to the morgue she had been away from her children for barely three minutes and she missed them.

When she walked into the morgue Lanie had her back turned, so Kate silently slipped in and sat herself on the spare autopsy table.

When Lanie turned around merely moments later she let out a yelp, and then moved faster than she ever had in her morgue. Before Kate could even comprehend that her friend had turned around she was being engulfed in a Lanie hug.

"How are you girl?" Lanie asked once she had pulled back from Kate. "And where are your children?"

"Rick has the children up on the homicide floor," Kate responded, a sigh escaping her lips. "And I'm fine. Why does everyone keep asking me that." She said, getting slightly defensive.

"Because you look really run down." Lanie told her, laying a gentle hand on her arm

"I'm fine." Kate said tersely, hoping off the autopsy table and stalking towards the elevator. Lanie stood, looking in the direction her friend had headed, not entirely convinced that she was fine, but also knowing that there was no point trying to tell her otherwise. Lanie pulled out her phone and tapped out a text.

-!-!-!-

By the time the couple arrived back at the loft Kate was worn out. She fed and changed her children, put them to bed, only to crawl into to bed herself not long after. She felt like she'd run a marathon that day. Not long after crawling into bed she was fast asleep.

Rick stood at the doorway looking in on Kate sleeping fitfully. Something had been going on in that expansive brain of hers, but he just couldn't get her to let him in, and he hadn't been able to worm his way into it yet either. Rick made his way further into their room, stripped down to his boxes and crawled into bed behind his sleeping partner.

Rick wrapped his arms around her waist and gently pulled her to him. He didn't feel the usual release of tension that he normally felt when he held her, even if she was sleeping, and he just knew something was wrong. His arms were the one place she'd been able to relax over the time they'd been together.

He wanted to talk to her about it, be he knew there was no point pushing it. With that thought in his mind he drifted off to sleep.

**So there you have it! I hope you liked it, reviews are love.**

**As to the other story I have started. It's total AU, as I picked up the characters of Castle and plonked them in early 1800's England kind of AU, the only main character I haven't been able to explain away is Alexis, but I'm working on it. The first chapter should be up soon after it has been tweaked a little. It's called 'Katherine Beckett, Lady of the House'**

**Let me know what you think! :D**


	3. Chapter 3: A Little Bit

**Firstly, I know it's been a while since I updated last, but my life got hectic. As soon as I finished up with my school work I was practically working full-time. Then last weekend I had not only a charity ball but my sister's wedding... and I've been writing _Katherine__Beckett,__Lady__of__the__House_, but finally I had a shot of inspiration for this story.**

**Great thanks to all those reading and reviewing, they make my day!**

**I have also decided to start giving approximate age of the twins at the start of every chapter to give a slight time line.**

**Disclaimer: Checks papers littering desk… nope, still not mine.**

**Chapter****3:****A****Little****Bit** – _Twins__about__five__weeks__old__ – __early__April_

_It only takes that little bit of extra water to make a dam burst. A slight gust of wind to destroy a pile of leaves. The smallest of snowballs to start an avalanche. And it only takes one moment in time for one to realise that their life isn't all that perfect, like they'd been trying to pretend it was._

Kate was sitting in her and Rick's room about a week later around midday attempting to read _Flowers__For__Your__Grave_, but having little luck. She just couldn't get into reading it, which was weird for her, as she had always found solace in Rick's writing, even after her mother's death. Especially after her mother's death.

She was still staring at the same page a few hours later when Rick found her. He had been drawn out of his office by the shrieks of his little girl. He had tended to her then gone and found his fiancé on their bed. Rick approached her, the small girl still in his arms, and noticed that Kate was completely unresponsive to his presence, and the presence of their daughter.

Upon noticing this he returned Joanna to her room and returned to find Kate still staring at his book. Like the only parts of her moving were her breathing and her eyelids. He had never seen her like this, even after she had interrogated Lockwood that time for hours, trying to find out anything about her mother's murderer. Even then she'd had more life in her eyes.

Rick sat gently on the edge of their bed, carefully took the book out of her hands and pulled her body into his arms. Yet she still didn't respond. Rick wasn't exactly sure what was going on in that pretty little head of hers, but he knew it wasn't good.

Rick had been fairly certain for a couple of weeks that there was something wrong with the way that Kate had been acting, but over the last couple of days it had been confirmed for him.

_Two days prior Kate had her post-birth appointment with Dr Witherby and she had told Kate that she had fully recovered from the birth and that she and Rick could resume their 'bedroom activities'. Later that evening as Rick lay in bed with his laptop as Kate put the two infants to bed. When Kate slouched into the room and fell into bed he drew her into his embrace and started placing gentle kisses along her neck but soon realised that she was completely unresponsive. Rick ceased his ministrations and lay down with her willing himself to sleep._

Within the past few days Rick had tried to get Kate to talk to him, but to no avail. It seemed that she wasn't talking at all. He had the feeling that something was going to crack her, and it was going to happen soon, he could feel it. It was then that he realised that he really could feel something and that something was her tears on his shirt.

When he heard Kate openly sobbing into his chest he wasn't sure what to do except pull her further into his arms and run his hand soothing up and down her back.

-!-!-!-

Sometime later, after Kate had successfully cried herself to sleep, Rick gently removed his arms, laid Kate in the bed, carefully climbed out of it, pulled up the covers and crept out of their room. Rick made his way down stairs and into his office. He flopped into his chair and let out a heavy sigh. He didn't know what to do, Rick was sure that Kate needed help, but she wasn't known for reaching out for help. He knew of only one person who might, _just__might_, be able to get her to talk.

Rick looked and the time and, noting that it was only eight o'clock, pulled out his phone and made a phone call he'd been putting off for a little while, but couldn't put off any longer.

-!-!-!-

The next morning when Kate finally awoke it wasn't to the sound of her screaming children, for she had finally relented to letting Rick formula feed them. But rather it was to find herself alone in the large bed, or so she thought.

As soon as she sat up Kate realised that there was in fact another human in her bed, but it wasn't Rick. It was Lanie. When Kate saw her friend looking at her she closed her eyes and flopped back down on the bed with a groan.

"Well, hello to you too." Lanie said sarcastically and Kate just groaned again.

"Did Rick call you here?" Kate asked her friend.

"I don't really think you want to hear the answer to that." Lanie replied, pausing before continuing. "But I'm gonna tell you anyway. Yes, Castle did call me. He told me you haven't been speaking openly to him, or to Alexis or Martha, and that you haven't seen your father since you've been home." Lanie knew that the only way to get through to Kate was to be straight forward, so that's what she did. "I also know that for some reason, unknown to me, you broke down last night and cried yourself to sleep. There's something wrong, and I'm no psychiatrist, but you're my best friend and I can tell. If you won't willingly go and see someone, I will take you, kicking and screaming if I have to."

Kate heaved a sigh when Lanie stopped talking. "I'm not going to get out of this, am I?"Kate asked of her friend, for she also knew she had to do something. When she failed to move past a single page in a book Kate knew something was wrong.

"No you're not." Lanie told her. "I have this friend from medical school..." Lanie told her, but Kate didn't hear much more. _How__many__friends__from__medical__school__could__Lanie__have?_ Kate thought.

Kate sighed and interrupted Lanie's flow of words. "OK, fine." She said weakly. "When can you get me an appointment?"

"By the end of the week." Lanie told her getting up from the bed. "Now it's time to get up out of this bed." She finished forcefully.

-!-!-!-

That is how Kate found herself inside the office of one Dr Carver Burke, PhD, hearing the words no one dared speak to her, she even refused to think them.

**So there you have it, another chapter with (dare I say it) an ending that tells nothing...**

**Reviews are love, let me know what you think. Hopefully the next chapter won't take too long. :D**


	4. Chapter 4: Slience

**Ok, so I know it's been quite a while since I've updated this… and I'm sorry :( but life was crazy for a while there, and I didn't like the computer that I was using, my new one is much nicer to type on, so there might be some more chapters punched out… but then again there might not, I start uni in about three weeks and I have a reading list half a mile long to get through before I start… so updates could be a little choppy.**

**So, without further ado…**

**Disclaimer: Checks papers littering desk… nope, still not mine.**

_**Previously**: Rick had called Lanie over to see Kate because she had been moping around: Lanie came to see her and forced her to go see a shrink…_

**Chapter 4: Silence** – _Twins about five weeks old – early April _

_They say silence is golden, but what they say isn't always true. Sometimes silence is so far from golden one could call it black. _

"Post partum depression."

Even though Kate had known the words were bound to be coming, the shock still hit her like a ton of bricks, and since the words had come out of Dr Burke's mouth Kate hadn't said a word. She had just sat and stared at the blue striped drapes in his office.

That had been within the first fifteen minutes of the hour-long session she had with the doctor that day. Kate didn't know what to say to that; she was unsure how to respond so she didn't. She just let the silence grow. Those three words became the proverbial elephant in the room.

For the final ten minutes of the hour Kate stared at the clock on the wall. She watched the big black second hand tick slowly around large clock. Because she was staring at it so hard it felt like the hand was barely moving, so as soon as the second hand ticked over to the end of the hour she stood, nodded to the doctor, and left his office. She had resigned to the fact that she would be back there in a week's time; Lanie had booked her weekly appointments for the next two months. Perhaps she would know what to say to him by the following week.

Kate walked back through the waiting room, eyes glazed over, off in her own little world. It was only when she stopped to wait for the elevator that she realised Rick had been sitting with their children waiting for her to come out, and she had walked straight past him.

Rick had caught up with her outside the elevator; the double pram pushed along in front of him, and placed his arm around her. Rick noticed that she still didn't relax; he wasn't even sure she noticed his presence. She was so much in her own little world that when the elevator dinged its arrival she jumped, and then looked at him with wide eyes.

She managed to come far enough out of her daze to enter the elevator with Rick, she even had the slight piece of mind to take hold of his hand once they were in the elevator, but still she stayed silent.

Rick found the car ride back to the loft painfully silent, but knew better then to try and push her, if he pushed her she might not talk for days, or even weeks, so silence reigned in their car. Kate spent the whole drive home staring out the passenger window, eyes glazed over. Rick pulling the car into the parking space under their building jerked Kate out of her trance; she managed to rustle up enough energy to help Rick get the babies out of the car and up to the loft.

The rest of the day Kate continued to just go through the motions of the day. She walked around the loft, sat and read the same page of a book over and over again and stared aimlessly at the large screen television. She ate the food that Rick put in front of her and pulled herself up the stairs to their bedroom. She changed her clothes and crawled into bed, pulled the covers up under her chin and just waited for Rick to join her.

-!-!-!-

After feeding Kate dinner and watching her pull herself up the stairs Rick retreated to his office. He had talked to Lanie about what was wrong with Kate, and all he had been told was that she had to get through it herself, but that he needed to be there to support her through it, or she might never come out of the other side of it. Rick started typing on his laptop, attempting to outline the next chapter of his next book and heard someone shuffling around the loft. He looked at the clock in the corner of his screen and realised that he had been in his office for a few hours, but he couldn't remember them happening.

When he looked back up Kate was standing in the doorway of his office, leaning on the frame. He smiled when he saw the start of a small smile grace her lips, it had literally been weeks since he'd seen one; yet at the same time she still looked so vulnerable. Kate looked at him with questioning eyes, and Rick scooted his chair back and opened his arms to her. He was pleasantly surprised, but extremely happy, when Kate made her way over to him and climbed onto his lap. She wrapped her arms around his broad chest and borrowed her face into his neck; she felt his strong arms around her body, holding her close, making it feel like nothing could ever harm her. At which point she found that she needed protecting, from what she wasn't sure, and that in its self made her very unsure of her self. Kate hadn't felt like she needed protecting since she was a very little girl and needed protecting form the monsters under her bed; and the tears started falling. When she had needed protecting from imaginary monsters when she was a little girl it had always been her mother that had been there for her, but her mother wasn't there and since her mother had been gone she had always been the protector.

She had been her father's protector from the bottle after her mother's murder, and after that Kate had become so good at the role of protector that she had figured that she had to protect herself so she built a wall around her life; a wall that no one but Rick had been able to get past. Many had tried but all had failed because her wall was to thick to plough straight through, to high to climb, and the foundations to deep to burrow under that the only way to get it down was to chip away at it, little by little. Rick had been the only person in her life willing to put in the time and effort to do just that, and she had been afraid that now that their children were born that he wouldn't need her anymore, and she wasn't sure could, in fact she knew she couldn't, live without him. She needed him in her life. Without him she had no life.

Kate knew Dr Burke would be proud, she'd seen enough shrinks, and talked to Lanie enough times, to know that they liked you to get to the heart of the problem before they would start treating you, and Kate believed she had got to the heart of her problem.

The whole time Kate had been sifting through her thoughts she had been sitting in Rick's lap bawling her eyes out and he had just been rubbing his hands soothingly up and down her back. Kate forced the tears to stop flowing and looked up into Rick's eyes. "Will you come up to bed with me?" She asked him meekly.

"I thought you'd never ask." Rick told her with a grin on his face. Kate slowly climbed off of Rick's lap and he stood, pulling her into a tight embrace before taking her hand and leading her up to their bedroom.

Once into the room Kate crawled back under the covers and watched as Rick stripped down to just his boxers and slid into the bed beside her. Kate made her way over to him and found herself in his warm embrace, looking into his eyes, once again.

"Promise you'll always protect me." Kate said to him as sleep overtook her body.

"Always." He responded placing a gentle kiss on her forehead before following her into the land of nod.

**So there you have it, a slight emotional overhaul for Kate. I'd love to know what you think, even if you think it was totally out of character… drop me a line :D**


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